It is very sad to see some Christian or ‘churched’ (i.e. professing Christian) young females flirting with people they barely know online. Is it a show of naiveté? Or is it an “I couldn’t care less” attitude? What is more amusing is the fact that these females believe that it is their right to mingle and play around. Do they not know that they are encouraging pest?
What is more perplexing is the vagrant excuses that some are using to justify their behaviour; we’re evangelising. Well, if that is true and acceptable, why do we not just bring money along in our efforts to evangelise the prostitutes and the druggies? Might as well bring an expensive Rolex to a mugger… surely they’ll come and listen to you then?
Online flirting can be seen on Facebook, Friendster, IRC, Instant Messagings, Blogs, etc. Where once it was looked down upon, it has now resurged not because of anything, but because the Internet provides the perfect platform (or is it an excuse) to create a so-called identity that is ‘separate or different’ from the real one. I plan to visit this issue in a more thorough form in the future in a booklet or book, which I will entitled “Hiding Behind the Bushes”. I just checked Amazon… there’s no book with that title 😛 (I even have the cover all designed in my head and in my notebook). But that’s another topic of its own and for another time…
Coming back to ‘flirting’. People who generally like to do so have a similar trait; wanting attention. What is in my mind is:
the person who comes from a family that is not emotional close. Usually one that is broken (either formally or informally) and struggle to have any form of expressed love for each member of the family. They tend to be socially-capable in coping with people, but commitment scares them since their life has always been touch and go with those who they live closely with. What they thrive in (or which gives them some semblance of security) is in the small touches of friendships.
However, they maintain a barrier that would not let anyone close to them, even a potential suitor, for fear of the said ‘commitment’ of vulnerability. They compensate this by being a ‘socialite’ who is easy going, care-free, funny, casual, talkative on small issues. Flirting comes easy with the opposite gender as it ’empowers’ them and give them a caress on their low-self esteem. They do not cut off easily from people as they are reluctant to lose the attention given to them. How they manage their need to express themselves then (prevent themselves from exploding)? They either put everything down in writing (emotional writing) particularly on blogs or other medium that are seen, or in private diaries. They scatter everything across friends (i.e. tell certain deep secrets to various different friends), so that not one would know everything about the person, thus not having a real ‘hold’ on the person.
The way into such a person’s heart is by giving light strokes everytime until they feel more inclined to you. Strokes here is a reference to the “Transactional Analysis” (Eric Berne, of “I’m OK, you’re OK” fame…) and not the physical ones. If they are in a relationship, they have to overcome their overwelming need to dominate either through aggression or manipulation.
A pretty thorough analysis without any reference or justification on my part. This is the not a thesis paper. This is what I observe for the past 10 years. The commonality is staggering. Christian persons would differ slightly only in the fact that there is “Grace” at work in their lives to overcome a particular point somewhere.
Consider this again, that flirting is to behave amorously without serious intent or to show superficial or casual interest or liking. Romance at the end is a God intented creation which ends in the bringing together of two sinners binded by God. In effect, there is no such thing as flirting in biblical vocabulary. To do otherwise is to put down or lower what God has designed from eternity. It is most unwise.
Think about it. My 2cents.